Sunday, February 1, 2009

Michael Phelps: High Sailin'

Michael Phelps. He loves gold medals. He likes those dank nugs. Before every race, Michael Phelps prepped to win by smoking bud. "It really gets me in the zone, the water feels kinda like pudding when you smoke so I just imagine that I am a really hungry fat guy who wants to eat all of the pudding before the other people do," said Phelps. After training for over a year, Phelps' lung capacity was so large he could hold over 3 bong hits in each lung. The effects of marijuana on athletes’ performance have never been considered in the scientific world because it is not thought to boost ones performance. There is much controversy and argument among scientists whether call it a "performance enhancing drug" because in most cases people act extremely slow and retarded while under its effects. It seems to have done the opposite for Phelps as he has 8 gold medals to show for it. "I really have to give some of the credit for my success to marijuana because without it I would of been in touch with reality and scared shitless over what I was about to go up against," said Phelps, "Honestly I would recommend it to any athlete who has nerve issues before competitions. It helps me bulk up and regain my strength after performing because I head straight to Taco Bell and get 11 cheesy gordita crunch supremes."

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